how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
