Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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