ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
