u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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