I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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