Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
