I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
