Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
