he was CRYING into my vagina
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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