I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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