he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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