I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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