I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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