I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize