saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
