i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
