I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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