I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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