Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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