Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
