I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
