there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
