Welp...herpes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
