So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
