Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
