I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
