Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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