I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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