i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
