sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
