I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
