And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
