I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
