girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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