Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
