i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
