I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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