May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
