wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
