i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
