So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
