no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize