I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
