just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
