i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He shit in the fireplace
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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