I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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