we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
