the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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