i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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