Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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