Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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