he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
