After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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