I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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