So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
