Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im holly from the hills drunk
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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