Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
