Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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