is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
