I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
