Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
