I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
