Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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