I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
