dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
