Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize