I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
