I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
