did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
where are my eyebrows?
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