You made me cry and you don't even care
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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