Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
