Swine flu is the new snow day.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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