If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize